If they even spoke to my ex, that was a betrayal worse than any other. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." I'm guessing engagement isn't too far off. When these fears are indulged, they can result in paranoia and preoccupation with the ex. By Oh and you have to stop indulging in self pity, you can be happy too. Yup, however, it was tough being told the her ex was more fun to be with than me. My first two girlfriends are definitely not more successful than me. And I pulled the trigger on those friendships for no damn reason. There is nobody else like me. “My girlfriend makes a lot more than me. If I was talking to my ex as an old friend (which I NEVER will) and she asked how I was doing, I'd have to lie and say, you know what...I'm great! I feel like this is better than having no one...although this is probably only a half of a step up from having no one. or maybe she isn't. Do not look at others and assume that life is just peachy for them...you never really know behind the scenes if it is really all that peachy...and even if it is peachy at that point in time, you never now when things will have a downturn. You are allowed to resent your partner’s ex for your own sanity, but you’re not allowed to impose your feelings on your partner. So that makes nobody really pathetic .. My boyfriend John (fake name alert) was really close with his ex, whom he had broken up with seven years prior. What to do if all ur dreams crash ? you go out to eat with your current fling and you see a whack of girls and think there cute and begin to wonder if they would like you... meanwhile your trying to keep up with a conversation about your flings hair ( maybe your interested in hair idk use something you are not overly excited about). Yeah there were times when I'd moved on I still felt sad. It is the old cliche of women snagging a wealthy doctor, lawyer, businessman etc. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. The reason i say that is, if your doing things your interested in you wont pay as much attention to what girls are in the room you will be more interested in who in this room can i talk to about my intrests .... ex. You cannot paste images directly. You are aware, on some level, that it's not rational to blame people for living their lives before you came on the scene, but you just can't help yourself. She didn’t cause a scene, but she was passive-aggressive and childishly defensive. Since past disappointments can shape your outlook and capacity to trust, it makes sense that you are driven to seek reassurance, validation, recognition, and acknowledgment from your partner. Here are some common beliefs people have about their partner’s ex, followed by ways to help shift your perspective toward feeling more comfortable and confident in your relationship with your partner.1. I remind myself that I have my own strengths, my own beauty. "If you and your [partner] run into their ex and the exchange is normal, without any verbal or physical awkwardness, then they are probably more into you than their ex," Henry says. Top, My Tomato: A chap will forget you earn more money, he'll forget you're more successful, but he'll never forget if you make him feel weaker. I guess I'm able to sleep at night only because I'm delaying it. January 21, 2021. My long-distance significant other and I have been dating for a little over two years. I have no idea what he'll think of my ex or my past taste in men, if he ever saw a picture of my Ex. So now I'm officially in the "friendzone." That happens when your ex is more professionally successful than you. She used to send him cards with kisses on them. That sounds incredibly hard, and incredibly frustrating. To combat that instinct, keep working on self-awareness. to bed (set, go) 23. So focus on your own life...and one place I would start is by ending this farce of a relationship you are currently in because you deserve better. Mutual friends kept talking about what a great time he was having at all these parties, girls running after him, & that he still had his head on straight and everyone liked him alot. Its not your place to worry or compare anymore. I made that clear to them from the minute it was over. I've made it a point to not know her anymore and it has worked like a charm. You guys are right...maybe she's happy, maybe she isn't, but the point is it's none of my business and I have no reason to care. My life didn't feel so bad after all. As you continue to build the case against the viability of your current relationship, you are also promoting the "amazingness" of your partner's past relationship. Ever since I have been with him his ex blames me for their divorce...I wasn't around then. It’s serious. it's natural to feel jealous when your ex seems to be doing better than you are - to be entering a new, promising relationship, to be having children, to have a great job, go on great vacations, etc.... in any case, you aren't with her anymore, and you don't know what's going on on the inside. Actually women who marry into rich families tend to be really unhappy. isn't it more important that the OP spend time working on making himself happy instead of convincing himself that his ex-gf will be miserable with her new hot-shot lawyer bf? He was a freshman extremely eager to fill his Blackberry (this was the well-known, but hardly spoken of, Blackberry era) with girl’s phone numbers, and I had just watched one of my friends make out with the guy I had been hooking up with the previous semester, so I figured why the hell not. The more you invent ways to compete, the more opportunities you invent to see yourself as inferior.3. And according to my friend, they're really happy together. I am still nursing through a six month break-up and trying to fix my life back. Empirically speaking, most people would say she was better looking than me. looks to me that Mr boyfriend values friendship and his loved one’s well being more than his futile professional race or ascension. I realize I'm not in competition with her...I should stop looking at it like that. Well, fear no more, because this quiz will let you know if he really loves you or jus... Are you starting to worry whether your boyfriend/husband loves you or not? I'm being strung along by some girl and I'm letting it happen because I'm desperate. I know existentially none of us is more important to humanity than the next person. His mistake is the more obvious one: It is deeply fucked that your boyfriend said his ex is more attractive than you. like the others said - maybe she he is a rich jerk....... or maybe he's the nicest sweetest greatest guy who also has TONS of money. ...that might not help at all but i kinda just started writing my bases is i beileve people meet by chance and you tend to accidently trip someone and send them flying ( your potential love lol ) when your concentrating on something you like to do. ... we don't know this ex gf nor her new boyfriend. "If you and your [partner] run into their ex and the exchange is normal, without any verbal or physical awkwardness, then they are probably more into you than their ex," Henry says. The sun before ! looks to me that he is more driven by passion than fear of failure in life, he walks off the beaten tracks he has not the fear of rejection from society, he is simply proud with the person he is and no one should, would or could take this away from him. Why is everyone assuming she's miserable? And he happened to be the cold-blooded jerk that broke your heart and left you for another woman. Ha. I certainly don't have millions of dollars, but I'm ok. Oh goodness me, I mustn't tell my boyfriend that I wish he would compliment me more, otherwise the entire nation will crumble before us because … We text each other and chat online, but that's about it. My bf [22] dumped me [20] and he’s way more successful than me, how do i feel better about my life? You've had … If I just look at the amount of love and not any other relationship factors, I would honestly say I “loved” my first boyfriend more than I love my husband. They don't know the true story behind the scenes..the fact that you are miserable, settling for someone who doesn't treat you right etc. Despite past traumas, there is no way to build a secure foundation in your partnership other than to take a leap of faith that your partner is who they appear to be. So that's my life. Now, he is happily snuggling in her arms and earning six-digit paycheques per month. I was at a point in life where nobody really liked me, so I was saddened. But he still defends her. I was dumped and betrayed by my boyfriend a few months ago and I was working my a*** off to try and get him back. Live your life and don't pay her any mind. At least, most of them did. Tells me how "zen" she is and calm. But falling in love at 15 is so much different than being in a loving, healthy relationship as an adult. It's like it came out of left field. Violations of Social Norms Stretch the Imagination, Young Adults Remain at Serious Risk of Mental Health Crises. Your previous content has been restored. Its really late so my appologies for the spelling and possible poor grammer i missed if something seems offensive or out of line just let me know. January 21, 2021. Here are some reality-based perspectives to help you decrease your fear: By doubting your worth in the relationship, you are inadvertently setting your partner’s ex and their relationship up to be superior to yours. I was in a bar having a great time, and she was awful to me from the beginning. You heard that she is doing quite well but you really have no idea what is going on internally. Ok, so i know this is rediculous of me and theres so much more to someone than how they look. The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. Your partner negatively compares you to their ex. My bf is extremely talented and hardworking. One of the questions was: “Have you ever loved anyone more than me?” So that's my life. Last weekend, I met my boyfriend’s ex. Yet I have never called her or written her. That has happened to me before and I tried to tell my ex boyfriend that it made me uncomfortable, which resulted in my being lectured about “controlling him.” That relationship ended fairly soon after that nonsense. Treat the most recent woman the same way you are treating your ex, nc. I met my boyfriend in November and we started dating at the beginning of January. Trusting in any relationship is incredibly challenging if you’ve experienced betrayal, abandonment, and other disappointments. Observe What Part of Yourself You Don't Like. It's only a matter of time, you believe, until your partner dumps you upon realizing they're really supposed to be with their ex. Also she lives just around the corner from us. I wish I had known ENA then. Remember your strengths. After the third time I heard he is still seeing her, he denied it and said people were trying to break us up. I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me for me. You may even fear being abandoned by a partner, who, in your mind, couldn't possibly be completely over their ex. I had a dream my boyfriend got shot ? Through gestures, she looked more passionate than me even though I was probably the one feeling the relationship more. Upload or insert images from URL. I'm honest-to-god 100% over her and I feel nothing for her. It's like it came out of left field. everyone has a different path to take in life - focus on your own path and making yourself happy instead of what your ex may or may not be feeling. ... Much more than I ever expected it to. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. But a part of me still gets jealous whenever I see him success in something. Display as a link instead, × I am hardworking too, but I am struggling to find my own form of success. to bed (set, go) 23. I mentioned this to him and he's tried to convince me that he loves me and has never felt like he wanted a future with anyone until he met me, but I feel like his actions don't reflect that. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." Still, you couldn't help but notice that your boyfriend's ex is...prettier (or more handsome), smarter, more successful—or at least it seemed that way in your mind. January 21, 2021. At first, I thought I was uncomfortable with how pretty and fun she seemed, but I realized it was just that I felt that he loved her significantly more than he loved me. In the mean time I got engaged and started my own business. But let’s say, for example, my partner’s ex was some beautiful model. She messages him almost daily, just how is your day, want to come and have a coffee, can you help me pick some thing up, i have tried to cut my bush can you do it for me. We are both females. Knowledge is power, and self-knowledge is the ultimate power. The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. I have no idea what he'll think of my ex or my past taste in men, if he ever saw a picture of my Ex. Holding on to suspiciousness and distrust won’t protect you from feeling devastated if your relationship ends. Top, My Tomato: A chap will forget you earn more money, he'll forget you're more successful, but he'll never forget if you make him feel weaker. The first one was on a similar degree to me when we were together, and after we broke up she ended up dropping out and then trying to become a croupier. Ko. Rather, the onus is primarily on you to manage your insecurity about a relationship that predates you, especially when the fixation is yours, not your partner's. I know I'm not in any competition with my ex. This reader has a situation that really demonstrates how Girls seriously hits the … Ring shopping has happened; he’s met my dad (no man in my life ever gets to meet Dad). When you're assessing your partner's ex and insist that you are actually looking at your partner’s ex in the same way your partner does — which you're not — you may deem their ex to be more attractive, intelligent, or successful than you. We are not friends anymore but enemies . That may or may not be the case..the only person who REALLY knows is the woman herself. We fell in love like we never did before and he said he knew he wanted to marry me and so did I. I don't care. You cannot look to your partner to make you feel better about the choices they made before being with you: That’s self-sabotage. I did not believe he gave her up and still refused to give him the cash. You can post now and register later. Money and rich laywers dont necessarily mean happiness. 7 answers. These concerns can result in anxiety, preoccupation, and obsession. i know plenty of people who have successful careers AND are perfectly happy, centered people. Rebecca Whitten says: February 14, 2020 at 3:32 pm. All … It’s also important to keep in mind that your partner can’t help the relationships they were in previously, and the same holds true for you. I'm so sorry Lola. You’re more valuable than your ex is making you feel. Cognitive_Canine. You are inferior to your partner’s ex. Your vigilance is meant to somehow prevent your partner from going back to their ex. Then, when she sees me again she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling attracted to the new me.” How did she know they never went anyplace as she was "dating" a married man. I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give me, but I guess the real reason I'm posting is because I just wanted to let off some steam. The guy is usually a stuck up * * * * * who sleeps around. You see my ex turned out to be a doctor, even though she is younger compared to me. hit the nail on the head. Your ex was merely reacting on impulse by saying or doing the things that seemed right at the time. That doesnt mean she's doing very well. My ex left me after I moved up to be closer to her. He should be worrying about himself though, you are right in that regard. There's no way to justify it to yourself to make you feel better. And he defends her every time. I deserve to stand alongside every one of those women whom I compare myself to. I am super proud of him and he deserves it! We met at a bar my sophomore year of college. The two coexist you know. I actually took her places, introduced her to my family(my mother was in love with her). Ring shopping has happened; he’s met my dad (no man in my life ever gets to meet Dad). I got ‘under’ someone way too soon. “My girlfriend makes a lot more than me. Reply. what matters is that you have to move on and not be so concerned with 'measuring yourself' against her. Remember your strengths. Understanding your contribution to the dynamics of your relationship is the most powerful tool you have for addressing your fears about your partner’s ex. I tried getting my life back together. But whatever. But you know what? After breaking up with me he became more focused in school work, got over his Facebook addiction, and even became student of the month for … I have been engaged for two years and have known my partner for 5 in total. 5)Guilt . The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. Clear editor. What you are experiencing is normal for someone who is still healing. Your ex didn’t initially realize that he or she has hurt you badly. She wont accept that i didn't have some thing to do with it. If your partner often speaks with an ex girlfriend … He tells her too much about us....she tells him too much about her self...he thinks I am insecure....well I just feel uncomfortable him going over to her place....he wants to be friends with her...but she wont accept us and says we wont work and he is in fantasy land....she is still angry that he divorced her...she also thinks he is unable to love any body. You dated for a while, but things started falling apart. 5. Nothing worked, and I gave up and I am MOSTLY over him. Rich does not equal happy. She is probably earning 10 times more than me right now and 100 times more successful. Your turn will come. My long-distance significant other and I have been dating for a little over two years. I still don't want to know her and I doubt I ever will again. You resent your partner, but you resent their ex even more for having had a relationship with him or her. I deserve to stand alongside every one of those women whom I compare myself to. You are the one who decides whether you have a future or not. For him, opportunities seemed to fall into place (he admitted this). yet he was more fun. I've been with my boyfriend for 11 months a … As far as the ex and her new bf are concerned ...give it no thought...worry about you! ... im no expert just sometimes i wish people would ask me questions so maybe i could think of it a differnt way and it would make more sense .. but if you know for a fact shes just using you and you see no future and know shes sees no future... i hope your nothing more then (A) ( not dissing that btw) because you could be using that time you spend with her doing things you really enjoy doing or you could do some self-exploring and find out more about yourself and differnt ways to express yourself ( maybe you like art and always wanted to take a few classes). I've tried. There is power in denial. We all have them. It's easy to feel jealous but at the end of the day, he's more sucessful than you and it's not a bad thing. Are Meaningful Daily Activities Linked to Well-Being? Wow my ex is doing so much better than I am. The most "successful" people are some of the most screwed up and unhappy people on the planet. Looks can be deceiving. It’s serious. And my ex is doing better than ever. My bf is a great guy who happens to be successful. I see dreams all the time that my ex best friend is way more successful than me now and i am way below her.....what do these dreams means? My friend, a scriptwriter, had been with her boyfriend for six years when they broke up. If your partner often speaks with an ex girlfriend … Breakups. I've been in a similar situation where I was feeling a bit bad that my ex had it going better than me. First and foremost, your insecurity may be understandable, especially if you've endured challenging relationships with caregivers and other important people in your life, including romantic partners who have let you down.
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